Career grief & how to deal with it

My job was great on paper.

I had translated a liberal arts degree and a range of generalist skills into a Director-level role at a tech company by age 28.

And yes, I used many of the strategies I teach in Guidance Counselling for Adults.

Back to my seemingly “great job”…

I worked at the kind of place that had beer kegs in the office and where company retreats included performances from big name musicians. The money was great, and I got to travel North America and Europe, staying in fancy hotels, eating amazing food, and drinking fantastic wine.

 

And I was a woman in the tech world! This was something I was very proud of.

 

But somewhere along the line, what was important to me changed.

 

I didn’t really realize it because I was always hustling and didn’t have time to stop and think about what I wanted.

 

 

I had internalized the typical definition of “success,” without examining what my personal definition was. At one point, I had known what I wanted. I had known what was important to me, what engaged me and gave me flow.

 

I used to know all of these things.

 

But as life changed for me and as I changed (and grew) the job stayed the same.

 

My priorities had changed but I didn’t realize it so I couldn’t align my job to what was important to me.

I didn’t realize it but I was grieving my career. What was, what could have been, what I felt SHOULD have been.

 

 

You might not relate to this (or maybe you do?) but I used to look at my job as an expression of myself, a place where I can get engagement and exercise my strengths. I still have this perspective but back then it was unhealthy.

 

 

Or at least that’s how I felt.

 

I’m an empath, a highly-sensitive person, and an introvert. I’m a Cancer sun, Virgo rising, and a Capricorn moon.

 

 

I also got diagnosed with ADHD this past spring. Which as a woman, is something that’s suuuper under diagnosed especially if you don’t have the outwardly visible symptoms of the hyperactive type (which I don’t).

 

PSA: The name “Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder” is not an accurate representation of what ADHD is. There is no deficit of attention, it’s a DISREGULATION of attention.

 

Maybe I’ll share more about this later? Feel free to ask me about this or reach out if this resonates.

 

I mention all of this to say: I really FEEL my feelings and I can have some big ones.

 

And because my feelings can influence my thoughts and actions, my job situation would inevitably impact my mental health and other things in my life (relationships, self-care, community care – pretty much all the things that are important to me).

 

You can go through career grief (or job grief, as the case may be) more than once in your career btw.

 

I’m a career chameleon so career grief has already hit me several times. I just didn’t have the language for it then.

 

I’ve held roles in the private, non-profit, charity, and tech sector. I’m even a qualified elementary school teacher. And I had to start the mourning process before I could start figuring out my next step.

 

The more import the job or organization was to me, the more I had to grieve, heal, and work to let it go.

 

The more consciously I grieved my career, the faster I moved through this process.

Grief is usually an ongoing process so you’d be waiting a super long time if you waiting until you were totally done grieving.

 

In my experience, and working with people in Guidance Counselling for Adults, you probably need to spend at least a little time grieving and letting go of your current job (or if you’re unemployed, your last job).

 

In the 10 days of Guidance Counselling for Adults, we’ll not only work on WHAT you can do to figure out the next step in your career but HOW you can do it. And grieving can be integrated into this process..

 

Because if all you needed was more information so you knew WHAT to do, you’d have probably done it by now.

 

Starting to grieve is also important if you’re thinking about leaving a PhD, Masters, or any education program.

 

It’s also important when you’re transitioning back into the workforce (like if you’ve been on mat leave or you’ve been home w your kids). You might be excited to be working again but it’s a transition so it can bring bring up some grief.

 

Career grief can also be identity grief.

Career grief can be like the canary in the coal mine. For me, it can start before I even realize it’s time for me to move on.

 

I used to be miserable for months (and one time, for more than a year) before I’d recognize that this was a sign I needed to start figuring out what was next.

 

If you’ve already realized your needs aren’t being met in your job or your priorities have shifted, take time to celebrate what your old priorities gave you or helped you achieve.

Take time to grieve your old priorities.

 

 

And then identify and own your new ones.

 

How do you do that? That’s something I work on with clients in Guidance Counselling for Adults.

 

Can we get all of our priorities met? Maybe not.

 

But by KNOWING your priorities and OWNING them, we have a significantly higher chance of getting what we want.

 

Grieving, celebrating, and resilience-building strategies are an incredibly useful but often overlooked strategy to help you find the right job.

 

Working on these things will also help build and maintain motivation throughout your job search and deal with any setbacks or fears you might encounter). This is why I’ve made this part of GCA.

 

Guidance Counselling for Adults: Find and land the job (and workplace) that’s right for you – without relying on resumes. 

A 2-week intensive job search strategy & implementation program plus 6 months of coaching, strategy, structure, accountability, and a learning community.

 

This is *not* an online course where you register and then are on your own.

And if you’ve we’ve worked together before or you don’t need GCA right now, I’d be honoured if you could send this blog post to someone who may be interested.

Guidance Counselling for Adults opens in September but you can apply now to see if we’re a good fit.