For those times when you need to make some changes to your LinkedIn profile…

And you don’t want anyone to know.

A list of things, resources, and advice I’ve found to be helpful for new moms with some extra bits about my own experience with post-partum depression (PPD), post-partum anxiety (PPA), and getting diagnosed with ADHD at 11 months after giving birth (skip straight to #7 for PPD + PPA stuff and #10 for ADHD).

Your mileage may vary – some of these tips and resources may be super helpful, some may not.

And that is totally ok – do what’s best for you.

Also – if it’s not clear from this post, I truly do believe that “what’s best for mom, is best for baby.”

***Please note: This is a work-in-progress so the formatting and copy may be a bit wacky***

I researched and gathered A TON of resources before and after Astrid was born.

I absolutely LOVE to share resources – this passion is not limited to my role as Career & Salary Negotiation Coach) so I often end up sharing these resources with expecting or new parents.

I’ve been keeping lists of links and resources. A few in Google docs. A few in my phone. Some in emails.

Today I decided to put them all in once place.

So here they are! I’ll be adding to them as I can. Please feel free to share with whomever needs them.

And if you’re sharing with an expecting mom or new mom who has a man for a partner, please share with him as well. Hopefully this can help balance the invisible and emotional labour that comes with motherhood.

Here’s what’s included (so far)

1. The best baby gear & best registry site (for us)
2. Some things I’ve learned so far that may be helpful…
3. Organize a meal train (use this app to help with boundaries)
4. Make padsicles or have a “padsicle party” (recipe included)
5. Make energy balls (my favourite recipe included)
6. How to help your baby sleep without using “cry-it-out” (CIO)
7. Post-partum depression (PPD) & post-partum anxiety (PPA): Not just for new moms
8. My experience with post-partum depression & anxiety (PPD & PPA)
9. How I survived post-partum depression & anxiety (PPD & PPA)
10. My ADHD diagnoisis
11. Extra thoughts

1. The best baby gear & best registry site (for us)

Here’s the stuff we’ve found most useful (I’ve kept this registry updated based on what actually was helpful) https://www.babylist.com/kathrynanderic

2. Some things I’ve learned so far that may be helpful…

-before birth, read at least half of “The happiest baby on the block” – great strategies about how to learn to soothe a baby and get them to sleep

-Have both of you check out “The Birth Partner” book – wish I had read it earlier!

-Acupuncture is amazing to reduce pregnancy swelling and to induce labour (but make sure your cervix has thinned enough or else it will start labour before you’re body is ready)

-Check out the site, Spinning Babies to see the various exercises you can do before birth to help baby drop and get into the right position

-Make (or have someone else make) padsickles before birth (just google for a recipe)

-During labour, I found it helpful to talk to my body and say things like, “you’re doing a great job, body”

-Don’t be embarrassed about bringing too much stuff to the hospital – I brought 4 big bags (including knee pads!)

-If breastfeeding is painful, see a lactation consultant ASAP. It shouldn’t be very painful and pain should only last for the first 15-30 seconds of feeding. Midwives and doctor’s are not well versed in lactation so that’s why I recommend seeing a consultant.

-I’d even suggest having a consultant come to the hospital ASAP after birth – they do this!

-Breastfeeding should only take 40 mins max, of longer, see a consultant

-If the baby isn’t “milk drunk” after feeding, see a consultant (usually means not getting enough)

-There is no shame in using formula to supplement or as a full replacement

-Make sure your baby is checked for a tongue tie at the hospital

-If possible, have dad sleep as much as possible during the night. Have one person rested is better than having two exhausted parents

-Debrief your birth and timeline of the birth with your care provider or doula. This can help bring some closure or reduce trauma

-Babies make weird grunting sounds when they sleep

-Using the Boba wrap or something similar will give you free hands (you can use it at 1 week I think)

-It’s ok to not have ppl over for the first few weeks – I only have ppl over who I was ok seeing me topless

-after the first few days, Try to get 6-7 hours sleep over the day. If you’re not getting it, get more help

-let your baby be on the floor as much as possible, ideally under a play yard. This sounds weird but it’s super helpful for their development bc they can move around more

-babies are naturally curious – you don’t need to entertain them all the time. Let them explore things and don’t interrupt them, if possible. This helps them learn to focus and self- entertain.

-keep track of number of pees and poops per day until about 6 or 8 weeks. Your care provider will tell you this cut we didn’t realize how important it was so we didn’t donit for the first few days lol

-Take soooo many pics and VIDEOS in the first few weeks – I legit don’t remember much from that time

-It’s ok to not like your baby or like being a mom. It will come.

-Go out and do things and see ppl as much as you can in the first 3 months (once you’re healed and up for it of course!) – babies don’t really need a routine or specific bedtime until about 3-4 months. At that point, i found we really needed to be home for some naps and a certain bedtime.

-Swaddle the baby whenever they sleep

-For the first few weeks, there’s a “witching hour” that starts around 4pm and can go til 11pm – basically the baby cries for no reason but this is normal

-Cluster feeding is real – this is when the baby feeds for several hours straight or with short breaks in between. This is when they’re going through a growth spurt but shouldn’t be happening all the time.

-Get Dad to be as independent as possible with the baby as soon as possible – able to soothe and take care of babe on his own. It’s so easy for this to not happen bc mom and grandmoms often take on so much of the work by default. It helped me to have Eric take Astrid for a walk while I was sleeping during the day. Then I couldn’t hear her cries

-Ask for help! Even if it’s just texting ppl questions, it’s so useful

-Baby advice is like travel advice – everyone has their opinion but only listen to the advice of ppl who share the same values as approach as you guys

3. Organize a meal train (use this app to help with boundaries)

-Have someone organize a meal train/food delivery/food gift cards with this app https://www.mealtrain.com/ (note that you can put any boundaries around this that you want. I said things like “Drop off the food but no visits at this point”)

-People will want to help you after birth, mostly with food so having a way to funnel people’s generosity can make it easier for you AND them.

-I found I wasn’t ready for it until about a month after Astrid was born so (ideally before birth,) tell the person who’s organizing it that you’ll text them when you’re ready for food

-This app allows you to choose when you want food and how you want it to be dropped off (at the door or visits welcome etc). It also allows you to tell ppl where you want delivery and gift cards from

-You just tell the organizer who you want on the list and your preferences and restrictions and they do all the admin.

-You get access to the app just to see who is dropping off what when. I found having food dropped off ever 2-3 days was helpful

4. Make padsicles or have a “padsicle party” (recipe included)

-Make them or have someone make them BEFORE birth. You can even have a padsicle party. 

-Recipe: https://minutewithmary.com/2013/05/padsicles-new-moms-perfect-companion.html

-Shopping list: Purchase the largest most extreme padded sanitary pads that you can find (here’s a pic of the ones I like https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0T2ImQti4XmelBiaUlCdUUtODNORlFjUUZTemxPazVrQXNn/view?usp=sharing) . Also, pick up some aloe vera, witch hazel,, and a box of gallon freezer bags.

5. Make energy balls (my favourite recipe included)

-Make them or have someone make them BEFORE birth

-No-Bake Energy Balls (http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/no-bake-energy-bites/)

-I ate these daily for literally the first 6 months postpartum, sometimes as a whole meal – the flax and chia seeds help them be nice and filling/nutritious. -I would freeze a whole batch at a time (layered with wax paper between) and just eat them straight from the freezer. One time I made a variation with almond butter instead of peanut butter, and white chocolate & dried cranberries instead of chocolate chips, and that was absolutely delicious too.

6. How to help your baby sleep without using “cry-it-out” (CIO)

Some of my favourite resources (check these out before you give birth so that you can learn them before you’re sleep deprived):

–https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies (and the book)

–https://babysbestsleep.com/slumberparty/ the podcast (she interviewed Emily Oster!), her IG, her FB lives, and her services

–https://www.instagram.com/p/BjeuGjoFQOw/ for sleep/wake windows for newborns to 3 years

–https://www.instagram.com/p/BjUa6k5DaZU/ this newborn sleep tip and the following 3 or 4 posts

7. Post-partum depression (PPD) & post-partum anxiety (PPA): Not just for new moms

Fun fact: PPD and PPA can happen anywhere up to 1 year post-partum. And it can be triggered by weaning or stopping breastfeeding.

8. My experience with post-partum depression & anxiety (PPD & PPA)

At 4 months after Astrid was born, I had severe post-partum anxiety which turned into depression. WIthin a week I had an appt with my psychiatrist.

9. How I survived post-partum depression & anxiety (PPD & PPA)

This is the program at Women’s College Hospital that I was referred to  https://www.womenscollegehospital.ca/care-programs/mental-health/RLS/ (you need a referral from your dr). There can be a waitlist so if you’re in crisis, don’t minimize your symptoms to your family doctor.

A nurse from women’s college will call you once you’re referred – make sure you’re very clear about your symptoms so they can get you support fast.

10. My ADHD diagnosis + resources

I’m so so so grateful for the Women’s College Hospital program (legit tearing up right now w gratitude) bc it was my lovely therapist who recommended that I get tested for ADHD.

The assessment usually costs $2k+ but since I was in the program, I got tested by a psychiatrist there and yup, I have ADHD (the inattentive kind, not the hyperactive kind). Another fun fact: ADHD tends to show up for women as they take on more responsibilities in life like moving in with a partner, getting a bigger job, and HAVING A KID. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/adhd-is-different-for-women/381158/. 

I run my own business as a Career & Salary Negotiation Coach (👋 https://kathrynmeisner.com/) so I’ve built my work around my ADHD strengths but holy shit it got worse with having a baby.

Here are some resources that I found to be helpful both before AND after ADHD:

• Women with ADHD podcast episode with Sari Solden: Falling through the cracks. Solden talks about what undiagnosed girls and women with ADHD go through, how they fall through the cracks, and what you can do if you can relate. Ignore the crappy audio quality!
• I’ve also just started listening to this podcast, The Healthy ADHD Podcast. There’s some reference to parenting but it applies to everyone.
  • I especially love this episode
  • And this one “Momming with emotional hyperfocus”
• I also found this short primer to ADHD helpful, especially these parts:
  • “If you’ve got an ADHD/ADD brain, the standard medical treatment is to effectively replace the missing dopamine, and, additionally, monitor your physiological state, train yourself to do things a bit differently to achieve your goals, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly and guard your sleep like it’s Buckingham Palace…
  • “ADHD is a biological (genetic and from birth) and neurological (brain information processing & storage) difference.  Historically, it seems like it has been isolated in the ‘mental health’ corner of health care, likely because the symptoms of untreated ADHD are observable – behaviours that seem out of place with what is expected…
  • “People with ADHD have a lot of cognitive energy to burn every day – knowing how to manage that energy is an essential part of taking care of oneself.  Having ADHD makes it harder to plan, manage time, direct our actions and responses, make decisions about what to do next, and control our emotions. It’s easy to get distracted and to do only the things that our brains think are interesting (which are never ever  paying the bills, opening mail, doing the laundry or turning off lights)…
  • “It becomes critical then, to learn how to do what we need to do, to get where we need to go in life. It’s NOT about forcing our loved ones to ‘fit in’ to a neurotypical world, or changing someone to be more like someone who doesn’t have ADHD.  Treating ADHD doesn’t cure ADHD.  Treating ADHD is like getting a personalized roadmap to your brain – here is how your brain works, and here is how to make the best of it, so you can go do your thing.”
• I also love this blog and the associated Facebook group, The Untapped Brilliance Club

11. Extra thoughts

I think the most important thing about being a parent is…communicating unconditional love to your kid. 

There is so much we will screw up as parents but everything is fixable if the kid knows they’re unconditionally loved. 

This makes me feel better when I worry if I’m doing it “right”.

Hope this post helps you on your journey!